Akutsuki Girl Issues
by Narutoast
Summary: Itachi and Sasori go out to find Itachi a girlfriend, but things don't really turn out as planned... And will Itachi finally find love? Find out in episode 3!
1. Chapter 1

So.. this story does not state Akutsuki's true feelings and i – sniff sniff – don't own Akutsuki or Naruto or Sakura _or _Sausuke or yada yada blah blah blah. Please don't sue me please. Itachi is having girl trouble. And it doesn't turn out too well...

Uchiha Itachi was sitting around yelling to Tobi how bored he was.

"Tobi, I'm bored!" Yelled Itachi.

"For the three hundred-thousandth time, I REALLY DON'T CARE!" Tobi screamed back.

Just then, Sasori came in to the room.

"Follow me and be quiet!" he whispered.

"TOBY I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH SASORI, OKAAYY!?!" Itachi blurted out.

"Shut up, you moron!" Sasori hissed.

"But why?" Itachi whined.

"Because..." Sasori stopped to think for a moment before continuing, "Uh... you'll see when we get there. There umm... are cookies involved."

"OMG COOKIES!?!?!? I WANT SOME!!!" Itachi yelled.

"SHUT UP!! And, did you know that you yell waaaaaay too much?" Sasori spoke out.

"Oh! That reminds me of a time with my brother. Well, we decided to have a contest, it was who could scream 'butt' the lou-" Itachi was stopped in mid-sentence from the gag that Sasori tied around his mouth.

"Finally! Some peace and quiet! In fact..." Sasori got an idea, which, with an Akutsuki member, is never good. He tied a blindfold around Itachi's eyes (which didn't help since he is already blind) and tied his arms and legs together. Then Sasori dragged him to the leaf village.

"Fathoui, my aff me hewe?" (ungagged translation: Sasori, why are we here?) Itachi tried to speak as Sasori untied the gag, blindfold, and the ropes. He also ripped off the duct tape he maniacally placed on Itachi's belly the night before.

"We need to find you a girlfriend, Itachi, to revive your clan and all that avenger garbage.

"Umm, I think you've been hanging out with Sausuke WAY too much." Itachi laughed out.

"SHADDUP! I'm trying to do you a favor here. Just go over to that girl and tell her your name, then ask her out." Sasori tried REALLY hard not to laugh to death.

"What's so funny..?" Itachi asked suspiciously.

"Trust me, it's nothing. Just go before she leaves!"Sasori said kind of forcibly.

"Okay, okay..." Itachi said as he walked to the door. He knocked on the door.

The door opened slightly and a voice said "Hello..?"

"Hi I'm Uchiha Itachi and-" he was cut off when the woman, beautiful as she was, punched him in the gut. He tried again, "Will you go out with me? Don't hurt me..."

"NO WAY YOU FREAK! GET OFF MY LAWN!" she yelled.

"Why not?" Itachi asked.

"Well, let's see... you're an evil villain, you kill for fun, but creepiest of all, you're a boy who paints his fingernails!" she said. "What's not to like?!"

"Don't forget about my toe nails!" which were painted an ugly purple. At this she gave him a look that said he was a creep. Then she bashed the door shut.

Itachi walked over to Sasori.

"I don't think that was worth it..." Itachi said as he held his gut clearly in pain from when the kunoichi punched him. "PLEASE LET US GO BACK TO AKUTSUKI! I WILL NEVER BE BORED EVER AGAIN!" Itachi pleaded.

"Let me ponder this for a brief moment, no." Sasori laughed in Itachi's face. "It's not as fun torturing you in Akutsuki than it is here!"

**This is my first fan fic. I hope you liked it and please PRESS THE DARN REVIEW BUTTON!!! Also, give me some ideas. Something like, flashbacks, or maybe ideas of girls for Sasori to tell Itachi to ask out then tell me why he gets shut down by them. SO, PRESS REVIEW THIS INSTANT OR EXPLODE LIKE THE LITTLE BIRDYS IN SHRECK 1!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hello it's me, Narutoast, here writing Ch. 2 for Akutsuki Girl Issues. This story originally came to my mind before i signed up for fan fiction. I don't own Naruto. So don't sue me. Well, this basically has the same storyline as the last chapter so, enjoy!

_**Itachi and Sasori stood outside waiting to see another girl as pretty as the last one. Sasori said they couldn't go back to the Akutsuki base because it wasn't as much fun torturing Itachi there as it was here...**_

"Well, I don't think we're gonna find a girl as pretty as that last one." Itachi said in his usual

monotoned voice. "We just need to look harder. Look, there's one!" Sasori said pointing to Haku. Of

course, many of the citizens of Konaha thought he was a girl, too. Naruto said it himself, "_No way! _

_He's prettier than Sakura! _" Itachi then went over to Haku and asked him out. "I'm a guy by the way."

Haku said calmly. "AHHH! YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN THE LAST ONE I ASKED OUT!" Itachi

yelled. Then he staggerd back to Sasori who was clearly having fun way more fun than Itachi was and

laughing at him too. Sasori then saw her. "Go ask her out! I'm serious about this one." Sasori hissed.

"Okay, but if she punches, kicks, or even head-bashes me, it's on YOUR head." Itachi scolded. He went

over to ask her out. As it turned out, she was a divorced mother of Lord Hyuuga of the Hyuuga clan so

she new all of his jutsu and more. As she fired up her chakra, she yelled "Who are you and what do you

want?" "Please, I just want a girlfr-" Itachi was interupted by the 8 trigrams technique. He felt the

chakra enfused blasts like a knife through his body. "Byakugan!" she shouted as she made a hand sign.

She the started the gentle fist. By the time she was done, she had hit every chakra and pressure point

know to shinobi or kunoichi. Itachi slowly meandered clumsily back to Sasori, then he collapsed and

went unconscious. And Sasori kept laughing at him and people keep staring at the two like they're

crazy.

THE END

I still need more you guys, so hit that review button!


	3. Chapter 3

Akutsuki Girl Issues Ch.3. Sorry it's so short. I need to maintain a Fan Fic called Ask Itachi!, so please no flaming. This is the final episode.

As Itachi regained consciousness, he soon wished he hadn't. People surrounded him and they

were all mad at him. "Gotta go!" He said as he teleported away to a dark alley. "phew!" He sighed.

"What's wrong?" said a womans voice. "And what happened to you?" "I was.. I was just..--" he was

interrupted by the woman. "Hey, you're the guy looking for a girlfriend, aren't you?" she said. "Yes I

am." He sighed. The mysterious woman gave him a flashlight. He turned it on and saw a certain

someone. This someone was Kurenai. "Wow! You're so beutiful! Will you go out with me?" He asked.

"NO WAY!" Kurenai screeched as she kicked him (hard) where it hurts. Itachi waddled back to Sasori.

"Go find Sasuke while I ponder weather or not i should kill you." Itachi weezed. "Whatever you say..."

Sasori said. And with that, he left leaving Itachi alone. And then, the unthinkable happened. This really

pretty girl came and asked Itachi out. "Do you want to know my answer?" Itachi said angirly, "I say I

will go out with you!" And with that, the couple leaves.


End file.
